FACING THE TRUTH
As a teenager I liked to spend my time in the school library with
half a dozen others, while all the 'real men' were out playing football
or cricket. At my school, anyone who preferred books to sports copped
a lot of flak. After a couple of years of this I decided I needed
a new image.
The first step was leaving that school. The second was putting
on a tough biker look. I bought a black T-shirt and Levi jeans,
grew long hair and made up a new past, which included various wild,
totally untrue adventures.
A few years later many of my fantasies had been realised. I'd gone
from the biker image to student radical, to drug-dealer, to alternative
life-style commune dweller, but without finding any lasting satisfaction.
Each new scene I got into seemed to be equally a sham. I felt as
though I was a sham - underneath the mask of coolness, a lonely
sham. So I began a new search - for truth.
In facing truth, I had to look at the lies in old relationships.
Talking honestly with my parents was the beginning of a new understanding
and friendship. Returning stolen property and acknowledging crimes
broke through the hatred I had felt towards society. With this honesty
came a new freedom and a vision of society built upon honesty and
care, rather than ambition and fear.